An experienced mediator can help couples bridge the gap and reach a resolution that both sides can live with.

If you are facing a Massachusetts divorce, then you should certainly consider mediation as an alternative  to expensive litigation.

A mediator is a neutral third party that helps a couple resolve the issues related to their divorce.  Mediation can also be used to assist with post-divorce issues, such as child support or alimony modifications.

Additionally, Mediation to Stay Married is a newer application of the mediation process for couples wishing to improve their relationships and stay together.

Most couples can efficiently use a mediator for their divorce. Mediation is not only for simple divorces or where there is very little conflict.   Couples with complex financial issues and significant conflict can mediate, but make sure your divorce mediator is experienced with such issues.

10 reasons couples select a mediated instead of court-based divorce:

1)    Saves time – couples can have a lot of input regarding the pace of mediation.

2)   Saves money – mediation is almost always less expensive than a traditional court-based  divorce.   At The Divorce Collaborative LLC in Franklin, MA, we even have a number of  fee options available, including fixed fee options, hourly billing, and programs that do not require an advance retainer.

3)   Mediation is less stressful than the adversarial litigation process where the divorce  lawyers are driving the process –  and the costs!

4)    Mediation protects your privacy.

5)    The clients decide what’s fair and best for their family – not the courts or lawyers.

6)    A good mediator will look out for the interests of both parties.

7)    Your mediator should educate you about the financial and legal issues, so you can make good decisions.

   Mediation provides a supportive, cooperative framework for resolving your conflict.

9)    The experience of mediation can improve communication skills between parents, having  a positive effect on post-divorce parenting and child custody issues.

10)  If your mediator is also a lawyer, all of your court forms and the full separation (divorce) agreement are completed as part of the process.

Need more information about divorce mediation in Massachusetts, or other divorce and family law information?

Please call The Divorce Collaborative LLC at (508) 346-3805.

We are happy to answer a few questions or to schedule a meeting in our convenient Franklin, MA office.

10 Reasons More Clients Are Choosing Divorce Mediation is a post from: The Divorce Collaborative

Most of you have heard of a prenuptial agreement since they are frequently discussed in the media, especially during reports about divorces of the rich and famous.  Although not as well-known, postnuptial (also known as marital or post-marital) agreements also exist.  A postnuptial agreement is entered into by a married couple to set forth the details of their settlement in the event of a divorce, but are drafted before the time of divorce, sometimes in an attempt to actually improve a marriage. A marital agreement is different from a separation agreement (also sometimes referred to as a divorce agreement) that is drafted for the purpose of getting a couple divorced. Thus, a post-nup or (post)marital agreement serves the same general purposes of a premarital agreement, but is signed after uttering “I do”  instead of before.   Got it?

Until  last week’s decision by the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court, the status and enforceability of such agreements in Massachusetts was murky.  Now, we have a clear decision on the acceptability and standards of such agreements here in MA.

The SJC decided in the case of Kenneth S. Ansin vs. Cheryl A. Craven-Ansin that such agreements do not violate public policy and may be enforced.  The Court went on to say, similar to many other states, that before a marital agreement is sanctioned, careful scrutiny by the judge is necessary in a number of areas, including:

QUESTIONS FOR THE COURT TO CONSIDER

1. Has each party had the opportunity to obtain their own legal counsel of their own choosing?
2. Was fraud or coercion present in obtaining the agreement?
3. Were all assets fully disclosed by both parties before the agreement was signed?
4. Did each spouse knowingly and explicitly agree in writing to waive the right to have the court make an equitable division of assets and all marital rights in the evnt of divorce?
5. Were the terms of the agreement fair and reasonable at the time the agreement was entered into and also fair and reasonable at the time of the divorce?

If you want to read more about the case, click here.

This decision will be helpful to both couples and Massachusetts divorce lawyers when it comes to drafting and negotiating post-marital agreements.

Massachusetts Marital Agreement Case Decided is a post from: The Divorce Collaborative

How will you choose your divorce support team?

If you are contemplating a divorce in Massachusetts, take the time to carefully select your professional support team.  With the economy still taking its toll, it can be tempting to try and get through your divorce cheaply or even without any help at all.   The strain on everyone’s wallet has also increased the number of divorce-related businesses, and you should be careful when hiring people to help you through your divorce.  Very careful, in fact.

Remember – only lawyers can provide you with legal advice.

Don’t assume that the person you are dealing with is a licensed attorney.  Although lawyers are highly regulated and must follow strict ethical guidelines (as do professional mental health experts), other business people may try give the impression that they are licensed or certified, but you should carefully check out such claims.  If someone claims they are certified, what organization has certified them, and is such organization respected and well-known in the industry?  You should know these things and then compare such requirements to those of other educated professionals.

For example, a local divorce mediator website I looked at recently would certainly make one believe that this particular mediator is an attorney.  This mediator claims to be a “recognized specialist in family law.”  Although I am a lawyer and have practiced divorce and family law almost exclusively, I am unable to make such a claim without pushing the attorney ethical rules in Massachusetts.  Although this person may be a good mediator, she is NOT a lawyer.  I think trying to give the impression otherwise is wrong.

This is not to say that I am discouraging the use of other experienced, credentialed professionals as part of your divorce support network.  In fact, I frequently use experienced and qualified divorce coaches and financial professionals when helpful to clients, and even include their services as part of our Fixed Fee Divorce Mediation, Collaborative Divorce, and Contested Divorce programs, and feel that the team approach is generally a good idea.

Divorcing in Massachusetts? How to Select the Right Professionals is a post from: The Divorce Collaborative

Improving Your Spousal Communications Can Be Better Than Chocolate

Spring has sprung in the Norfolk-Franklin-Medfield, Massachusetts area.   Easter will be here soon, the local overflowing rivers will return to their proper places, baseball season is only a few weeks away, and thoughts turn to improving our communication skills with our spouses or significant others.

OK, I made the last part up.   As a divorce lawyer, mediator, and husband, I know a thing or two about spousal communications.  One thing I know is that my wife should really improve her skills in this area, as I am of course close to perfection.   Seriously though, communication between partners is a complex subject.  I get to witness firsthand many different communication styles, while I also assume that people are trying to be on their best behavior during a mediation session.  Still, the range of dynamics and patterns is fascinating.

Anyway, communication is a complex matter.  Even not communicating is a form of communicating.  Besides speech, communication involves body language, active listening and other complexities.  Here are some tips to consider.  I am going to start off with a bonus tip!

1. Bonus Tip -  If you write a blog about divorce and family law in Massachusetts and it is Sunday morning and your spouse talks to you while you are working on a post, and she was nice enough to make you a weight-watchers bagel and coffee, then don’t just say “Uh-huh” or “OK” when you were not listening to what she said.  Stop what you are doing, pretend you are paying attention by looking up, then say “Uh-huh” or “OK”  or “That sounds good” (one of my favorites).

2.  Related to the above…Actively Listen to What Your Partner is Communicating – This sounds easy, but really is not easy for most of us.  We all have busy lives.  It is easy to let your mind drift to other things when listening, such as a looming project at work or even thinking about your response to what is being said. Instead, stop and really listen to the message.  Do not confuse this with “Stop, drop, and roll in the case of fire.

Make eye contact.  Focus.  You could even try a trick from the mediation handbook, and rephrase what your spouse said, then reflect it back.  Such as “Just to make sure I understand you, I heard that you want to help me with more of the yard work, so I can play more golf.”

3. More Honest and Open Communication Is a Good Thing  - Hiding your emotions is not a viable long-term plan.  Discuss openly how you are feeling, be vulnerable, talk about things you may not talk about that often –  or perhaps have never talked about.   The “silent’ treatment” is silly and not at all useful.  Also remember that you can have too much of a good thing, so don’t be whiny or too vulnerable because who wants that?

4.  Pay Attention to Non-verbal Communication Signals (body language) – Personally, I always found this an interesting subject.  Some non-verbal communications are clearly interpreted, like if you cut-off a car in the rotary in Norfolk, MA, while others are more subtle.  A detailed discussion on this subject is beyond the scope of this post, but many books can provide you with a decent primer.  For example, folded arms may mean someone feels defensive or closed off, or they spilled something on their shirt at lunch.

5. Stay Focused on the Issue at Hand – If discussing something about parenting your kids, then keep the conversation on that issue.  Try not to be overly-critical and aim for a “win-win” result.  If you are feeling criticized, resist the temptation to fire back something unrelated such as “…and YOU never wear the French-maid outfit anymore!” Boy, if I only had a dollar for every time I heard that one.

6. Don’t Just Communicate When There is A Problem – Take some time every day to communicate with your significant other.  Check in, see how they are doing.  Share something funny.  Let them know you are thinking of them.  THEN ask them to stop at the grocery store, not before.

7.  Pick Your Battles – Of course, I don’t mean to encourage battles, but conflict is a part of every relationship.  Try to let some of the smaller things go and become more tolerant.  For example, my spouse tends to misplace things from time to time, then I find them right away. In the past, this would drive me crazy, but now I just laugh and think of it as a quirky trait that we joke about.  Most of the time, anyway.

If you want to dive into this topic more, then consider reading books on relationships by John Gottman, Ph.D.  There are many other choices as well.  If you have any suggestions then please share them with us and your fellow readers.

Happy Spring and Go Red Sox!

Massachusetts Divorce Mediator & Lawyer Provides Tips to Improve Spousal Communications is a post from: The Divorce Collaborative

Attorney Lee Rosen is the owner of The Rosen Law Firm in North Carolina.   I worked at his firm right out of law school in what I now term “the southern experiment.”    Rosen Law Firm also sponsors the Stay Happily Married website.  Besides being a successful and insightful divorce attorney and business owner, Lee is an expert in law firm technology and marketing.

This podcast reminded me of how much fun it was going to school at night while married to a working spouse and with two small children.   Luckily, having a patient and supporting spouse made this challenge much more bearable (yes, I know I am working it here to get some brownie points at home!).  Although I may not have realized it at the time, but I think it was easier being the person in school than the one at home picking up the slack.  This is discussed in the podcast, so thanks again supportive spousal unit!

Situations such as going back to school or having a spouse that travels frequently can add strain to even a solid relationship. To listen to the podcast, just click here.

A spouse returning to school can add stress to a marriage

Stay Happily Married Podcast – Spouse Going Back to School is a post from: The Divorce Collaborative